Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Size Does Matter

Size does matter.

When it comes to Alaska, everyone knows that everything is bigger.  Everything except for the cramped Economy class seat that I'm sitting in on my flight to Anchorage.  Nothing but a flimsy armrest is keeping the kind lady seated next to me from oozing into my personal man-space.

However, Juneau that this is the last time I'll be cramped on this trip.  Only a Homer doesn't Nome that Alaska is the biggest state in the US, and I'll have plenty of room to roam.  Kenai tell you how excited I am to get there?  My Haines are all in a wad, and I can't Barrow the suspense.  If you don't think Alaska is unbelievable, you are in Denali.  I'm looking forward to the State Fair, where you can do everything from admire enormous pumpkins to watch professionals give a bear a body piercing or give a Yakutat.  I might have to Wrangell for a place to Sitka at a few events, and hopefully I don't end up near anyone who smells like open Seward.  I should probably stop at a store and Ketchikan of Axe Body Spray to take with me, just in case.  I don't mean to beat a Deadhorse, but I Kiana can't wait to arrive.

Thus far, this is quite possibly the corniest blog entry I've ever written.

Somebody, please pry this laptop from my hands.

I seem to have digressed from what matters:  Size.  Length, width, girth:  Alaska has it all.  One would assume that significant shrinkage would occur due to the cold, but Alaska has managed to retain its original size.

I once saw a t-shirt with the outline of Alaska encompassing the outline of Texas, with the caption "Ain't Texas Cute?"

Did you know that the land area of the city limits and borough of Juneau, Alaska's capital, are larger than Rhode Island and Delaware combined?  And that Juneau is only Alaska's third-largest city by area?

You could fit over five Oregons neatly inside Alaska's boundaries.  

Sorry, Texas.  You got pwned.

I'm actually more excited for our three days off in Alaska than I am for our two Alaska State Fair shows, our radio appearance, and our Anchorage concert.  Glaciers, mountains, fjords, and, of course, America's #1 threat, bears!

I'm also pretty excited to share with you the fact that Russell, my bandmate in Crown Point, a grown man of sound mind in his 20s, literally just learned about four hours ago that the plural of "moose" was, in fact, not "meese".  True story.

And now, to pressing public health issues:  How is it possible that cigarette smoking is banned on domestic flights, while it's perfectly legal to open and consume noxious containers of garlic-ridden potato salad, of questionable freshness, at will?  C'mon lady, I'm dying here.

Through a break in the clouds, I can see massive Mt. Fairweather.  Our kind flight attendant has just informed us that "it's that magic hour where we get to put away our electronic devices."  What are we, twelve?  "Jonny, have we cleaned our room?"  "Mom, if this is a team effort, you certainly haven't done your part."  And magic hour?  Does my laptop disappear when I put it in the case?  What am I going to see?  Rabbits?  Unicorns?  A bag of mystery cocaine miraculously appear in Paris Hilton's purse?

Alaska, here I come.  Something tells me that amidst your unbelievably massive natural beauty, I'll be reminded of how small we really are, yet how much our lives really matter.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Blog Nectar

Once upon a time, the blog nectar was flowing. I wrote every week, or at least a couple times a month; my management was exploring publishing options for my writing, and all was right in the world.

Once upon a time, a Jon Davidson blog entry was something you could count on regularly, like the Old Faithful geyser, Lindsey Lohan getting a DUI, cocaine being found in Lindsey Lohan's car, Lindsey Lohan going to rehab, Lindsey Lohan going to the hospital, et al..

What happened?

Now, blogs seemingly come as infrequently as Lindsey Lohan appearing in a movie, or Lindsey Lohan making a good decision of any kind.

Why am I picking on Ms. Lohan? I don't know. This is old news. Forgive me for not having the time to keep up on the latest brainless she-tabloid fodder.

Well, for those of you who haven't yet switched over to Facebook (only to find out that in a lot of ways [insert Farmville-esque game here] it's just as annoying as MySpace) and followed my status updates, here's a little of what's been going on.

But first, I'd like to thank Ms. White, my junior high English teacher, for cementing in my brain the rules regarding using brackets inside parentheses, as well as creepily and almost daily telling me that I should wear pleated khakis because she was sure I looked so good in them. For the record, it is mathematically impossible to look good in pleated khakis. Then again, Ms. White didn't teach math.

Insert Family Guy digressive vignette here.

As you probably know, I'm in a new band called Crown Point. Last month, we toured to Illinois and back, playing at Cornerstone Festival and breaking down eight times along the way. Over the last couple weeks, we've been recording our debut album in Vancouver, BC with Jeff Johnson, a producer with an affinity for zipper masks (don't ask) who has worked with the likes of Nickelback, Jet Black Stare, Adelita's Way, and Divide The Day. Nickelback's drummer, Daniel Adair, even played drums on one song on the album, much to the chagrin of rock purists and the joy of everyone else who is smiling everywhere.

Did you know that in Pocatello, Idaho, the self-proclaimed Smile Capital of the US, you can be issued a ticket for frowning in public? Look it up. It seems like a vicious cycle to me: you're issued a ticket, causing you to frown even more. At this point, you're issued another ticket, and so on. Hey, who am I to judge the means by which a city creates revenue? Unless it's child prostitution, of course. At that point, I could probably feel good about judging.

I commuted back and forth to Canada so as to not cancel any shows. If Chester's Chicken can feature a smiling cowboy chicken in its logo, who is undoubtedly a) thrilled about the fact that he's about to be cruelly slaughtered and eaten and b) a diehard country music fan, I can call it a commute, okay?

After a couple of weekend tours to eastern Idaho, we're headed to Alaska next week for two shows at the Alaska State Fair. We'll be sharing the bill with Shinedown and Collective Soul, and getting a couple days off to visit Denali and consume an entire hippo-sized gourd.

I'll then be in Portland for two days before flying to the Philippines to produce an album for Cara Flores, an alt/pop/soul artist from Guam.

Then, after another two days in Portland, Crown Point and I are embarking on a 7-week nationwide tour, opening for Tyrone Wells and Andrew Belle. If you haven't checked out Tyrone and Andrew, do yourself a favor, get cozy in your limited-edition Weezer Snuggie, and listen to their music. Tyrone, the former lead singer of Skypark, is signed to Universal Republic and is best known for a couple of Top-20 hits, including "More." If his music doesn't make you think about what really matters, then you most likely don't understand English, which makes the fact that you're managing to read this dramatically undermine your credibility. Andrew has had songs in shows such as Grey's Anatomy and won some VMA Awards.

Chances are, we're playing in your city. Dallas, Austin, Oklahoma City, Houston, Birmingham, Nashville, DC, New York, Philly, Chicago, Indy, St. Louis, Boston, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Denver, Salt Lake, Boise, Spokane, San Luis Obispo, Portland, LA, Sacramento, San Francisco, Seattle, Wichita. To name a few. I reckon I would love to shoot the breeze with all y'all at a show (sorry, Chester and I have obviously been spending too much time together).

I'm really excited about this tour, mainly because I get to see 35 Tyrone Wells shows for free, but also because Mr. Wells is a class act with a calling, we're playing some great venues, and we'll have a chance to meet a lot of amazing individuals and hit a bunch of cities whose radio stations will be spinning singles off of our new album.

I'll be back home in Portland around November 20. Hopefully, my cat will still remember her daddy.

I can't wait to keep you posted on the tour, and to hopefully see you at a show.

If I don't get the chance to write another blog entry for awhile, you'll know what happened to the blog nectar.